Week One: The Spider and the Monkey

Ok, so many things have happened since I arrived here in Bali, but I have to tell what's freshest in my mind first, so here is my story about the giant spider and the monkey...

It started off a normal day on my trip to Indonesia, we met with a woman from an NGO, visited one of our possible homestay families, and had a delicious Indonesian lunch. It wasn't until I went with our Balinese driver and friend, Bat Danu, with 2 other girls to pick up their luggage that the day got interesting.

Bat Danu has a beautiful guest house where people from all over the world come to stay. It's situated right off the road and yet the view makes you feel like you're in the most remote jungle you've ever seen, like in the movie Jurassic Park or something. The girls had told me about a rather large spider that they had seen there the other day, so of course I had to witness it for myself (and compare it to King Kong, avid blog-followers will remember from last year in Viet Nam). Bat leads us down through the foliage and shows us a massive spider perched contently on it's giant web between two palms. We're admiring it from afar and taking pictures when Bat Danu gets the fabulous idea to take it down and transport it back to the hotel to show everyone else we're staying with. I thought he was kidding. He wasn't.

Bat takes a stick and swiftly tangles the spider in its own web, pulling it down and then fearlessly grabs it, pinning all its spiney legs behind its body, rendering it unable to move or even sqirm. It looked much less intimidating like that, so we got up close and took some more pictures. Bat asks if we want to let it climb on us. We though he was kidding. He wasn't.

He goes first, letting the spider crawl all over his chest while we sqeal and take pictures. But then I wonder, what's the harm in this? Bat says it won't bite (and if it does it's not poisonous) so I think, what the hell, I'm only in Indonesia once right? I let Bat Danu put the spider on me, and it crawls around my chest up my shoulder and to my neck! (Don't worry, I have photographic proof if you don't believe me). Let me explain, this spider was huge, but very different than the furry and monstrous King Kong from my hotel room in Viet Nam. First of all, this one was black and yellow, so it looked ornate, almost beatiful. Second, it was found in nature, and the Balinese are very in tune with nature, so since Bat Danu had a way this this creature, I figured it was safe to let it crawl all over me. (This kind of logic will probably lead to my demise one day...by way of animal mauling). Rachel and Ashley couldn't get over this, neither of them would let the spider near them so they called me brave. I'd call me obliviously foolish. But now onto the next part of the story....

Bat delicately shoves the spider into a plastic water bottle for transport, making sure to poke a few air holes. (It would've taken a hole the size of a golf ball for this thing to get out) So we drive back to the hotel and show everyone, some are horrified, others fascinated, all equally amusing to show it to. But right around this time, everyone is getting ready to go to the nearby monkey forest, and in the commotion of showing everyone, I lose track of Bat Danu and he ends up leaving the hotel. Not wanting to let Mr. Aracnoid suffocate in his water bottle prison (or even worse, having him escape in my room if I left him there) I just take him with me in the water bottle, hoping I'll see Bat Danu to give him back. I'm not sure what I was expecting to happen, but worse case scenario, the spider dies in the bottle, I'm sad, but at least I tried to deliver him back to his owner. But the spider's "departure" from me was much more dramatic than that, that's for sure.

We all walk along the narrow streets of Ubud, Bali to the entrance of the illustrious monkey forest. Picture a giant playground for grown-up tourists to point and laugh at monkeys because for some inexplicable reason, everything they do is hilarious. "Look! The monkey's scratching it's head! Hilarious! It's looking at a rock! Hahahaha! It's doing absolutely nothing! Bahahaha!" For real, monkeys are just funny. So we all enter the forest, and as if we don't look ridiculous enough taking pictures in throngs and pointing and staring like idiots, the locals are selling bananas at the front, to feed to the occupants of the forest. There are so many reasons why this is a bad choice. First of all, you are not in control of when you feed the monkeys. They are. They see/smell/sense the food, they go for it. Second, when they go for it, it's not like they politely ask for it and you give it to them. They attack you and just take it, like pirates comandeering your ship and taking your booty. Third, once you give them food once, they know you have more, and they stalk you for the rest of the time you're in their sight. So naturally, we buy bananas.

The monkeys are everywhere, out to play, ready to socialize. The forest is dense and monkeys are spilling out of the trees like popcorn popping from kernals; Stephen is the first to try and feed one. We see the monkey spot the banana before it's even fully out of Stephen's bag, and it runs over to him, beelining for the fruit, Stephen shrieks and throws the banana into the brush, just in time to avoid the monkey's wrath. We all laugh, half panicked, realizing the monkeys aren't going to play nice when it comes to food. All the while noone wants to walk next to me because I'm carrying a giant spider in a water bottle. Oh yeah, the long, black and yellow spider that's in my hand, I almost forgot. I almost didn't realize how much it must have looked like food to the monkeys...Oh god.

I don't know which monkey realized it first, but all of a sudden one was just looking at me, knowingly. I was like oh, shit, this isn't going to end well. I try to casually keep walking, like I don't think the little fuz butt is going to try and take this spider out of my hand, but I knew it was. The monkey jumps down from the ledge, runs over to me, and jumps up to grab the water bottle! I yell "NOooo! This is NOT FOOD!" like it'll understand me, but the monkey is undeterred, and his eye is on Bat's spider. Oh no, Bat! What will he say if I lose his spider?! No time to think, the monkey is at it again, this time he doesn't go for the air strike, but literally LATCHES ONTO MY LEG!! (Thank you Karen, for making me change my shorts and wear pants to the monkey forest) The monkey is on me, clamboring up my leg like I'm a tree branch, and I scream and panic like a crazy person because this monkey is ATTACKING ME!! I'm yelling and lifting up my hands, trying to save Mr. Spider's life, but I'm pretty sure the beast will sink his teeth into me if I don't relinquish the bug, and the struggle is shortlived. The monkey snatches the water bottle out of my hands despite my best efforts, and runs like a bat out of hell back into the forest. I'm still in shock while everyone freaks out and asks if I'm okay. The jerk monkey perches right above us to flaunt what he's stolen from me. We watch as he claws at the water bottle trying to get at the prize inside, with Mr. Spider surely in a pure state of terror awaiting his own death.

And that's what happened to me today. I cannot believe a monkey robbed me of my Balinese friend's enormous pet spider...